What are the WORST movies you've ever seen?
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I had the (mis)fortune of forcing myself to sit through the movie Toys with Robin Williams (1992). I must say that it is one of the worst movies I have ever seen - maybe the worst. It was horrid in so many ways. The heavy-handed message that wasn't too disguised, the weak performances by otherwise good actors (Joan Cusak in particular), the crappy effects, horrid script, stupid premise - it was just bad on many levels.
So, since I am a blogger always in search of a blogging topic, and since I have done a geek entry recently, I decided it was time for another fun poll. So, the question for today is this: What are the worst movies you have ever seen, and why? Now, don't cheat - you have to have actually sat through the entire thing. And for me personally, I am not counting movies that I love or are interesting for some reason, even though overall they're bad. For instance, I love horror/slasher movies, so I won't have any of those on here even though they usually suck for a general audience.
So tell me what movies are horrible to you, and if you want, tell us why it was so bad. Here are some that come to mind for me, in no particular order.
- Toys (Robin Williams, 1992) - for the reasons already mentioned.
- Battlefield Earth - (John Travolta,, 2000) - like many sci-fi movies, the scriptwriter completely hacked and destroyed a good book. I think Travolta was insult to injury - I know he loves Scientology and L. Ron Hubbard, but he sure didn't do him any favors by making this tripe.
- Judge Dredd (Sylvester Stallone, 1995) - Sly Stone proving once and for all that he is a one-trick-pony. He should have done the Rocky movies and quit while he was not too behind.
- Robocop 2 (Peter Weller, 1990) - This movie lost all the social commentary and B-movie-ness of the first one, and just amped up the violence for no apparent reason. Oh, and to really top things off, have a foul-mouthed 12 year old as one of the main bad guys. This movie was horrid.
- Garfield (Bill Murray, 2004) - This movie was actually worse than I expected, and I really thought it would suck I mean, c'mon, it is based on a comic strip - the stories are normally told in 4 frames, and they wanted to stretch it into a whole movie? They failed miserably.
- Major League 2 (Charlie Sheen, 1994) - the first movie was funny, and didn't take itself seriously. This movie tried to use the exact same formula, same characters, etc.Like a lame joke, it was kinda funny the first time, not funny the second time.
- Karate Kid 3 (Ralph Macchio, 1989) - I mean, c'mon, the first movie was OK, the second movie sucked, so they decided to do it again? Hell, Ralph Macchio was like 40 by the time he made this - those babyfaced looks can only last so long.
So, those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head. I can't wait to read about yours. What movies haunt your memories like mental indigestion?
Rock
**Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think. --Jean de la Bruyere
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Comments
I saw the original Solaris. Dull to the Nth. I can't recall why I didn't walk out. I guess I expected something to happen eventually. Guess what? It didn't.
BTW, whatever possessed Sun to name their OS after an alien entity which would eventually drive humans insane?
Posted by Bruce Perry At 09:47:58 AM On 08/20/2004 | - Website - |
My votes would be aimed at the Irwin Allen classic stinkers "The Towering Inferno" and "The Swarm", and I'll even throw in "Earthquake" -- Allen may not have produced or directed it, but he was responsible for creating the atmosphere that caused it to be made.
A tip o' the hat also goes to "The Matrix Reloaded" -- the big multi-Smith fight reminded me of nothing so much as the famous "OJ" computer recreation sequences; and this movie was all about the SFX. My suspension of disbelief was suspended without pay and later fired for non-performance of duty. If there were philosophical points to be made, I couldn't hear them over my own laughter. The film made a lot of money and seemed to tickle the fancy of some critics and a few of my friends, but I couldn't get beyond the bad CG.
The worst? I'd have to say it was Richard O'Brien's "Shock Treatment", the sequel to "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". Where the Rcoky Horror was just bad enough to be good and had a good collection of songs to which one could partay with drunken abandon, the Denton aftermath was a complete miss -- the production values were elevated to the point that one could scarcely miss the real horror. It was cold, sterile, unfunny and, well, BAD.
Posted by Stan Rogers At 06:32:27 PM On 08/16/2004 | - Website - |
Let's see...that would have protected me from "Toys" (Robin Williams). Adam Sandler would be on the banned list as well.
Posted by Tom Franks At 07:47:22 AM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Posted by Stan Rogers At 05:43:13 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Posted by Stan Rogers At 05:02:55 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
And I have heard it said that "Jaws" and "Star Wars" would never have happened if not for movies like the "Towering Inferno" or "Earthquake". I am a little biased since my kids and I recently finished watching the whole first season of "Lost in Space" on DVD
Now I remember the worst movie I saw recently..I cannot remember the name of it, but it was about curling of all things! (It was actually pretty good, but I had to beedle the north of the border guy
Posted by Christopher Byrne At 05:21:22 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Cold Creek Manor (2003) - Movie started out great, and got good and scary by the middle. Then, WTF?? Did they change writers / directors halfway through? Mercifully, the dialog of the last third of this film was drowned out by a cacophony of guffaws from the audience.
Alien: Ressurection (1997) - Ripley has returned from the dead, only now she is some freaky alien hybrid with a bad attitude. Winona Ryder shows up as a synthetic with feelings (remorse, sadness, rage, indegestion? -ya just can't tell). Alien Queen gives birth to freaky baby that looks like one of those velvet paintings of the mexican kids with the really big eyes, and I'm trying to figure out how to garrot myself with a soda straw.
Spy Kids 3-D (2003) - What was Robert Rodriguez thinking? The only theory I can come up with is that he got ahold of some REALLY bad carnitas, and washed it down with 100 year old tequilla. This thing was beyond bad, it was uber-crap.
Baby Geniuses (1999) - Just kill me now.
102 Dalmations (2000) - Glenn Close reprises her role as Cruella de Vil. I wonder how much $$ they paid her, and if it was worth it? Any description I give of the utter badness of this film cannot even begin to describe the absolute awfulness of this film. Colonel Kurtz described it best: "the Horror".
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (2004) - Are you f@$#%&* kidding me? They made a SEQUEL? (In all fairness, I have not seen this one yet. Who knows, it might be ok. After all, it stars BOTH Jon Voight and Scott Baio, and if anybody can turn this into a winner, it....- nah, who am I kidding. This is gonna stink).
Question for David Bockes: Xenon, or Carbon Arc? Platters or changeovers? Old school myself: started at Drive-Ins, and finished 13+ years later in multiplexes. If it weren't for the crappy pay and lousy hours, I'd still be doing it. You're right, it is was GREAT JOB. I remember when 'Perils' came out, and I never managed to see it (lucky me).
-Devin.
Posted by Devin Olson At 05:10:51 PM On 08/18/2004 | - Website - |
and Farenheit 911! I add this to the list because of the fact that it has now been revealed via a lawsuit that Michael Moore completely fabricated a front page Newspaper Headline that he showed as "fact" in his "documentary". It is really too bad, because this is just another in the list of things that took away from his few valid points (and this is not a political statement because I am apolitical as I get older).
And I thought "Showgirls" was art
Porkys III!
Actors to avoid? Billy Baldwin...
Posted by Christopher Byrne At 10:12:04 AM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Oh, and I have to admit I actually like some Adam Sandler movies. I think The Waterboy and Mr. Deeds are actually pretty funny.
Oh, and we could probably have a whole list devoted to Keanau Reeves - anyone catch The Replacements? Ewww...
I may have to do a list on the NFL opening weekend for the best football movies of all time - stay tuned for that one...
Rock
Posted by Rock At 04:55:54 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Posted by Ben Langhinrichs At 11:45:10 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
About Schmidt: Why all the hype? And did we really need a full-frontal of Kathy Bates?
Little Nicky: I have no idea why I decided to watch this -- I've only got a zillion other worthless cable channels.
The Village: Haven't seen it - but I figured out the twist weeks before it was released.
That's all I can think of right now -- the other bad ones must be so long ago, I've finally blanked there memory from my head.
Posted by Zizzy At 06:30:59 PM On 08/16/2004 | - Website - |
Posted by Ben Rose At 01:56:40 PM On 01/10/2006 | - Website - |
1. Dr Otto and the Riddle of the Gloom Beam
2. ANYTHING starting with the word "Ernest"
3. Johnny Mneumonic...though there was one very cool special effect!
4. Pretty much all of the touchy-feely late-80s films. They were sensitive before sensitive was cool.
Posted by Rob Novak At 06:27:38 PM On 08/16/2004 | - Website - |
Posted by Ben Langhinrichs At 05:10:15 PM On 08/16/2004 | - Website - |
Anything with John Travolta in it is awful, and "Battlefield Earth" is the worst he's ever done, and that's saying something.
Anything with Adam Sandler in it isn't worth a penny. I despise being exposed to his movies' trailers.
Cannibal Women in the Avacado Jungle of Death was great! Richard, your taste in film is suspect. Rock, you need to stay up really late to catch that one.
"Steel Magnolias".
"The Big Chill".
I recently went to the $1.50 theater in town to catch "Hellboy", because somebody told me it was awful. (That's a clue that I might like it, usually.) It was great! I will probably rent all these stinkers you guys are talking about, just in case.
Posted by Dennis Lowe At 04:34:40 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Posted by Scot Fithen At 11:49:27 AM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Rock
Posted by Rock At 01:35:49 AM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
As for my worst movies, most of them are, in fact sequels also (which is a priviledge, not a right; a fact lost on most production studios).
Blade 2 (which is odd, considering Blade is one of my favorite movies. But Blade 2 was just a rehash of the same lines and poses).
I second the nomination for Howard the Duck.
Dream a Little Dream - I was a 'tween and it had the "two corey's in it" and I STILL thought it was bad. Now THAT's saying a lot.
Solaris. I understand it was a remake of a "classic", and I mean no disrespect, but this was one of those movies that made me think at the end, "I'm never going to get those two hours of my life back..." I guess I just didn't get it.
(though it was definately worth it to watch the flame wars arise on the IMDB forums about how "if you didn't enjoy it, you aren't deep enough". If you ever want some late-night comedy, go read the forum entries on that movie.)
As for the Worst Movie That's So Bad, You Can't Help But Love It title:
Matt and I just watched "The Last Dragon" for a laugh. To this day, I still don't know if this movie was intended to be a spoof or not. I really don't think it was.
"Who's the master? Sho'nuff!"
Posted by Jess Stratton At 03:10:45 PM On 08/19/2004 | - Website - |
master blaster
Posted by mirchi At 07:32:15 AM On 10/04/2005 | - Website - |
Batman Returns
Batman and Robin
The Shadow
Dick Tracy
The Punisher
Catwoman
Posted by Jimmy F At 09:12:13 AM On 08/18/2004 | - Website - |
I am on your site after a long time. Couldnt resist commenting on this :)
I read reviews, and am generally very careful of watching crappy movies...but now and then something slips thru the cracks:
My worst movie of all time has to be :
"Damnation Alley" -- it was a sci-fi made in the 70s and stars Jan-Michael Vincent...its a post holocaust world and the world as we know it is infested by killer cockroaches, the world must be saved!
So we have Jan-Michael and his rather cool armoured truck, and laughable special effects save the world... (damn...i think i actually like it!)
And no all-time worst list can be complete without DeathRace 2000 (now..wheres that bootleg tape of mine...) Stallone, Carradine, dodgy acting, special effects budget of $1.2, and yu got extra points for running over old people...and then there was this famous stallone dialog, to his co-driver Myra: "...some peope might think you are cute, but to me yu're just a big baked potato!" (heavy stallone accent)
:)
--Ashok
Posted by Ashok At 11:15:25 AM On 09/01/2004 | - Website - |
On my list I have to agree with most of those posted here, but maybe I am showing my age here, don't forget these classic pieces of ka-ka.
Ishtar - How can two great actors produce something so boring and painful as this.
Tarzan the Ape Man (with Bore Derek) - "Is that a rogue elephant?" has got to be one of the dumbest scenes ever put on celuloid.
Posted by David Bohlin At 12:08:44 PM On 09/02/2004 | - Website - |
1. ...whatever it was, it was "just around the corner"
2. ...Prince can't act!!!
Posted by The Lion King (aka Ray Bilyk) At 05:31:14 PM On 08/19/2004 | - Website - |
Sword and the Sorcerer was campy enough to be fun to watch; and as sad as it may be, it was the best fantasy movie at the time, until John Boorman's Excalibur came out. Of course LOTR now sets the bar so high that it will be a long, long time before it is beaten in the fantasy genre.
Rock
Posted by Rock At 07:49:47 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Batman and Robin
The Wraith
Teen Wolf Too
Iron Eagle II
Superman IV
Highlander II
Please note that most of these were sequels.
Anything ever features on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (although those aren't arguably films I sat through, since it's Joel, Crow and Tom that sat through them.)
Posted by Nathan T. Freeman At 06:38:02 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
"Spawn" was pretty bad.
Agreed with many on the first Star Trek movie. It was an unconscious (sp?) parody of itself.
I did kinda dig "Kentucky Fried Movie", as well as "Toxic Avenger" - both were cool in a B movie, genre parody kinda way.
Posted by norm van bergen At 01:41:50 PM On 01/13/2006 | - Website - |
Add this to the list of stinkers above and I am feeling unwell.
Posted by Paul Mooney At 04:48:39 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
King Kong (the bad remake)
Posted by Christopher Byrne At 03:58:50 PM On 09/02/2004 | - Website - |
Posted by Christopher Byrne At 12:52:50 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
-rich
Posted by Richard Schwartz At 02:17:30 AM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
All Conan movies were great. He should make more. "Conan the Governor". "Conan the Groper".
OH! OH My God! I left out the absolute worst movie ever! "El Chupacabra". I bought it because I taught, tried to teach, guitar to this girl Paula Ficara when she was in high school in Augusta, GA. She's in the movie, so I bought this direct-to-DVD abomination. There is no competition. It's horrid. Run, save yourselves. DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. IT WILL MAKE YOUR EARS BLEED WITH ITS HEINOUSNESS.
I didn't like it.
Posted by Dennis Lowe At 04:40:25 PM On 08/18/2004 | - Website - |
Don't forget The Conquerors, starring John Wayne as Genghis Khan. Was reputedly Howard Hughes favorite movie.
And what about Hercules with Lou Ferigno? Appalling!
There's no accounting for taste. Conan is one of my favorite movies ever. The second Conan on the other hand ... Both had great soundtracks though.
As for Farenheit 911, sure, it's a propaganda movie. But why should Michael Moore be held to a higher standard than the Bush administration?
Posted by Bruce Perry At 04:14:32 PM On 08/18/2004 | - Website - |
Definitely the worse movie of all time is Batman and Robin. I'm surprised that movie studios decided to keep making comic book movies after that movie was made!! I thought for sure that had killed any chance of a good comic movie...
Posted by Kevin At 09:39:09 AM On 08/18/2004 | - Website - |
Agree with those who couldn't stand Alien Resurrection.
I would also add the Sharon Stone (and one of the Baldwins...can't remember his name) flick "The Needle".
Absolute waste of film.
You should start another thread on movies that are so bad they're actually fun to watch...like Barbarella...or Barb Wire...or Tank Girl.
Posted by Deb (ChangeWarrior) At 05:49:40 PM On 01/10/2006 | - Website - |
Also, Monty Python and the Holy Grail: 1975, so the cliches really were cliches already.
For a fantasy film that was exceeding the competition in that time, I'd go with The Dark Crystal. But maybe that's just 'cause I love to walk around and say "GELFling!?"
Posted by Nathan T. Freeman At 11:10:07 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
1. The Perils of Gwendoline in the Land of the Yik Yak (1984). The only good thing about it was Tawny Kitaen. You just have to know that any movie written and directed by a guy named Just Jaeckin is going to be a piece of crap. Did I mention Tawny Kitaen?
2. Def-Con 4 (1985). End of the world due to 3rd world war thriller (yawn).
3. Reform School Girls (1986). Now normally I enjoy a chicks in prison film as much as the next guy, but where have the great ones gone ;). Seriously, this movie was only interesting because of the presence of punk rocker Wendy O. Williams, she of chainsaw fame, and Sybil Danning as the warden.
4. A more recent edition to my list would be the 2002 version of Rollerball. Now there is a textbook lesson in how to @#%* up a classic. The thing about the original is that the game was a symptom of a greater problem with society, it was a character in the larger drama. Some special effects and a few pretty boys and girls doesn't make quite the same statement.
Man, I could go on and on (I've seen alot of bad movies.)
Posted by David Bockes At 09:08:13 AM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Plus, who'd have ever thunk that Lee Horsely could be a fantasy action hero?
Heck, I'm going to have to go find that on DVD now to add to my collection
Rock
Posted by Rock At 11:23:11 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
<br>master blaster
Posted by mirchi At 07:33:08 AM On 10/04/2005 | - Website - |
Rock
Posted by Rock At 05:35:37 PM On 08/16/2004 | - Website - |
Rock
Posted by Rock At 07:48:00 PM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Posted by Adam Slagle At 09:49:09 AM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Toys is actually one of my all-time favorite movies.
Posted by Jason At 09:15:27 AM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |
Thanks for mentioning Cold Creek Manor and Alien: Resurrection, though. Those were both major stinkers.
Posted by Nathan T. Freeman At 08:47:48 AM On 08/19/2004 | - Website - |
Posted by Laurette Rynne At 11:58:43 PM On 08/16/2004 | - Website - |
* Star Trek - The Motion Sickness(err.... I mean Star Trek - The Motion Picture)
That one I paid money to see. I saw the rest of these on late night television:
* The Queen of Outer Space
* One Million Years B.C. (OK, it had Raquel Welch, so it wasn't all bad
* Cannibal Women In The Avacado Jungle of Death
* Hell Comes To Frogtown
-rich
Posted by Richard Schwartz At 01:20:39 AM On 08/17/2004 | - Website - |