1 - Wow. That's the first time I've witnessed sputtering mad typing before.

Stairs for a 747. If you climbed any more stairs, wouldn't you technically already be airborne?

No disrespect to the people of France, but that is the effect Socialism has on service levels. People don't care if they will lose their job for doing a crappy job because their jobs are guaranteed. Hence all the strikes.

I'm glad you survived though. Travel is always stressful for me and I don't envy anyone having to make a connection. I avoid airports when possible... which is most of the time.

2 - I never had any problem at CDG...

@Jerry :
In France no one loose their job cause of a strike. It's a stupid capitalist thought.
I hope for you that you will never have any health problem in your life but if (for example) you have a cancer in France you won't pay anything for being cure by the best doctor in the world. This is Socialism effect. Ask New Orleans black people what they think it...

I went four times in USA and i had to say that airport custom was a nightmare for me. Your policeman are not heroes as you like to say in your Hollywood stories. Most of them are as stupid as aggressive.

Go out of the capitalism box...

Julien

3 - My horror story starts in Narita Airport (Tokyo) after a three week hike through Japan.

I had to take a plane to Heathrow, and from there I had a plane to Belgium (that's where I live btw).

So, I arrive at Narita Airport, where I am informed that my plane has been delayed for thirty minutes. "No problem", I think. This gives me some time to buy souvenirs at the taxfree shop. After half an hour, the plane still isn't ready for takeoff. It will take another half an hour...

*fast forward for 2 hours*

I'm still at Narita, and the plane is still on the ground. Everybody is getting a little bit nervous now. When we ask for info, they tell us that the plane will be ready in.... half an hour (again) !

*fast forward for another hour*

We are finally ready for takeoff. I'm sure I'll miss my flight back to Belgium because I had only 1u30 between my flights. Anyway, I'm happy that the plane is finally leaving and I try to get some sleep.

*fast forward for 13 hours*

After a flight of 13 hours, we finally land in Heathrow. No surprise, I have no flight to Belgium anymore. However, British Airways arranged hotels for everybody (we are talking about 200 people!), and a bus wil pick us up the next day. Our luggage however, is not allowed to leave the airport.

*the next day*

Since our luggage is still on the plane, I have no clean clothes to wear. I have to put on the same clothes I've been wearing for 13 hours in the plane from Tokyo. Believe me, they didn't smell minty fresh...

The bus picks us up and drives us to the airport. I take the train to the right terminal, and I still have time left for my flight. I don't think that something can go wrong anymore...

* the terrorist treatment*

I'm standing inline for the passport check, and I'm carrying a small backpack and a small bag with the presents I bought in Narita. Suddenly, one the steward drones approaches me..

Drone : "Sorry, sir. only one piece of luggage allowed."
Me : "My apologies, but my plane was delayed and under normal circumstances I wouldn't have to leave the airport, and..."
Drone : "Only one piece of luggage allowed Sir !"
Me : "But let me explain..."
Drone : "Sir, please comply or I have to call security !"
Me : "(wtf?)"
Drone : "Put the small bag in the backpack, Sir"
Me : "That's not possible. It's full"
Drone : "Then you have to leave your bag here, Sir"

Okay, So I start pushing the small bag in my backpack, and due to some bizar twist of quantumfysics, I manage to put the bag in the backpack...

Me : "Is it okay now ?"
Drone : "Yes sir, you can pass. You can take the bag out again after passport check".
Me : "(WTF?) So, let me get this right : I must put the bag in my backpack. Walk 2 meters to pass passport check, and then I'm allowed to take it out again?"
Drone : "Yes sir"
Me : "How stupid is that ?"
Drone : "Only one piece of luggage allowed, Sir"

I decide not to continue this discussion for obvious reasons...

Okay, I passed the passport check guy, so everything is ok ! Nothing can go wrong now !

Unless you have to go through security check, that is...

So I put on my luggage, wallet, keys on the transporter and I walk through the metal detector...

*BIIIIP*

Of course, the security drone approaches me :

Drone : "Hello sir, are you hiding something ?"
Me " : "Euh... nope"
Drone : "I have to search you. Please spread your arms and legs."
*drone starts searching me*
Drone : "What are you hiding here ?! You're hiding something !"
Me : "Dude, that's just my small notebook.."
Drone : "Oh, I see..."
*Drone continues to search me*
Drone : "You're hiding something ! Is that a gun you're hiding on your back !?"
Me : "Dude.... that's my spine... I know I'm a skinny guy, but this is getting ridiculous."
Drone: "Oh, I'm sorry man...."

After a moment of deep thinking, the drone has found the cause of the alarm. It were my shoes...

Anway... after that, I could finally board my plane to Belgium and get home. From there everything went OK

4 - How about the time I was making a connecting flight from Munich to London via CDG. The plane landed on time but like you I had the misfortune of being delayed on the plane because there were no stairs and I had a very short connection time. There was no bus to bring me to my connecting flight and I had to run all the way through the airport to get to the other gate.

Getting to the gate I could see the plane and it was still connected to the jetway but the person at the counter told me and another passenger who arrived at the gate at the same time as me that the flight was closed. The plane stood at the gate for another 10 minutes before the jetway was disconnected and it taxied back, it would have taken less then a minute for them to allow us to walk down the jetway to the plane.

yes I hate CDG also.

6 - Amazing stories - do the dregs of humanity, those that are truly pissed off with the world, all apply to work at airports? Is there some life's calling to cause other people to be as miserable as they are, and airports are their Nirvana?

I know ATL is the busiest airport in the world. And I know I have had bad times there - but overall I have to say that my good experiences there far outweigh my bad, and without anything unexpected happening (equipment problems, weather, etc.) it runs smoothly. Additionally it may be big, but at least it is laid out logically - and is all in one big building (or connected buildings - you know what I mean).

Rock

7 - @10 Bill: I too had a delightful go-around on a landing at Gibraltar in a gale. We were just settling down on the runway when the wind eddy around the Rock tipped the plane over on one wing - a lot. Cue throttles up, engine roar, white knuckles etc. The worst part was having to go around and do the whole thing again. And they still said "we hope you enjoyed your flight with us today". That got a laugh.

8 - I don't think anybody mentioned the lost/delayed baggage problem with CDG connections. At least half of the time I connect through CDG, they don't manage to put my baggage on the connecting flight. It just seems ironic that it's ok to fire hundreds of baggage handlers for being Muslim, but it's not ok to fire them for being utterly incompetent!

I mean, if I can get myself through all those stairways, terminal shuttle buses that take you all the way around the airport to get you to an adjacent terminal, and rude security staff (who yell at you to you stand behind a line on the floor that isn't there anymore), then my bags should be able to get on the flight in time too.

9 - Oh you are sooooooooo dead on about CDG. Connecting there is an agonizing experience.

The first time our plane sat on the tarmac in the middle of nowhere, a half mile from the terminal waiting for a bus like thing to come so we could get off the plane. Apparently CDG was somehow designed without jet ways. It took an hour and fifteen minutes from landing to get to the terminal. Once we got to the terminal nearly everyone had missed their connection thus causing more chaos. I then waiting nearly an hour in line to get to a desk so I could schedule a new connection flight. Then I had to wait 2 hours for that flight An entire day of my life was lost trying to escape that airport.

Other things of note are that CDG is always grossly dirty, strange for an orderly clean people like the French. Another thing of note is that while all European public places allow public smoking there is something wrong with CDG's ventilation system which makes for a constant fog of cigarette smoke. The first time I visited I was still a smoker and even then I was feeling downright green after a couple hours exposure.

By comparison Schipol airport in Holland is always perfectly clean, efficient, and has a liberal amount of jetways. I've made a point of using KLM just so I can connect through Schipol to avoid CDG.

10 - "I know ATL is the busiest airport in the world"

Not at the moment it's not : { Link }

Besides, y'all have only one airport. If you had two, instead of making everyone drive two hours just to fly, like us folks here in Chicago (or Dallas or New York or Washington or Houston or ...)...well, you probably wouldn't have one airport contending for the title. So

I guess I don't mind ATL much 'cept for the security line, but I've only had to transfer there once. Going from the T-gates all the way out to the E concourse or whatever...might as well be another airport

11 - I had the good fortune to be IT manager in the oil business, and project managed the merger of 2 £200m oil service companies. I had the bad fortune that one company was a JFDI (just do it) style company, and the other was ex-French civil service. Joy.

This did mean that I had the distinct honour of flying in and out of CDG every week for SIX months. Okay, it was back in the mid-nineties, so no STUPID security stuff (I swear I'll avoid LHR and LGW. Especially LGW).

(This also meant that I had to risk my life in taxi's going to and from CDG. That was the scary part for me..)

And yes. every week, a different set of airport staff on strike. Hilarious. However, the dohnut shape of the airport, and the bouncy rubber escalators meant that you could navigate it whilst drunk, and therefore you had an extra layer of insulation against the horror.

Its also the only time I've ever been on a plane that experienced a "near miss". Our BA flight was landing, the air-france jet had not yet cleared the runway, and we aborted. Ever been on a jet on a go-around ? This sucker must have pulled two-g force on the ascent, and I think it was pointing over 30 degrees in the air. Great fun, (but lots of screaming from the cheap seats at the back).

If you want efficiency, hit Germany, or even Schipol (it was BAAD from 95-2000. but since they've stopped rebuilding it, its good). Avoid CGH, LHR, LGW.

There are flights now via Iceland, Edinburgh, Glasgow to McMerica. Far smaller airports, and far less chance of missing flights, etc.

---* Bill

12 - @Ed - but you know that there has been a ton of construction at CDG - you would think that they would have addressed this by now. I mean, come on, it is the second busiest airport in Europe. The third busiest (by the slimmest of margins) is Frankfurt, and I have never had these kinds of problems there (although that is a god-awful big airport). They have done tons of renovations there, and all are upgrades over the past.

CDG? I see construction every time I am there, and nothing gets better. It only gets worse.

Rock

13 - I had an awful experience at CDG a few years ago - I flew in from the UK, and had to get a connnecting flight onto somewhere near Montpelier in the South of France. There wasn't much time between the two flights, and of course it was in another terminal. Having trudged for what seemed like miles, with suitcase and laptop case in tow, to get to the other terminal I walked down a walkway signposted to wherever I was trying to go. It wasn't until I had trudged to the very bottom that the two police officers at the bottom thought that now was a good time to tell me that exit was closed.

I then trudged all the way back up, and got the connecting bus. Somehow between getting on and off the bus at the correct terminal, I managed to lose my wallet and passport. After trying to explain to various security officials I eventually got a flight back home (I wasn't allowed to carry on with my journey).

Given the choice, I would fly from Gatwick rather than Heathrow next time and go to another Paris airport like Orly!

14 - @10, Bill: I have once been on a jet on a go-around, but that was not spectacular. It was in San Francisco, same situation as yours, the previous jet did not clear the runway timely. We have been about 10m above ground, when he decided to go on a round-trip. But it was smooth, and we simply got a free sight-seeing round over SF

15 - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH I HATE CDG. I HATE airports. I left Entzheim Airport, strasbourg yesterday to get back to england via paris. SO ------- I checked my luggage to go right through.... tadidaaaaam.... all went fine... got to CDG (air france)... checked in for my BA flight to bristol.... had to wait 2 hrs and a half at airport... very boring... NO SEATS IN TERMINAL 2B passenger zone (wtf??????) ...... got on plane...nice seats...... landed in Bristol 20 minutes late becasue of bad weather (we went round in circles for 20 minutes above the city, lots of fun, i saw the moon and starts)........stood for 15 minutes in the queue for passport control..... then made my way to luggage carousel.,... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand: NO LUGGAGE. ARGH ARGH ARGH. ............ was told to go to the exit and go to the BA ticket office in the airport....... toodleetoot....... speedwalked there..... explained situation....... was told bladibla that they would locate my bag, that it was still in paris ( WHY??????), that they'd send it on teh first flight to bristol and that they would deliver it to my house................. So that was last night around 8 pm. There have been THREE flights so far from CDG to Bristol today and I STILL HAVEN'T GOT MY LUGGAGE. Which has got ALL my essential stuff...... toilettries..... main clothes........ hair brush and tooth brush..... presents for family and friends (OH those airport poepole better not eat those Bredle I bought in Alsace)...... And I AM ANNOYED.

PPPPPPPPPRRRFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPFPPFPFPPFPFPFPFPFP


(but my worst airport story is the one when our plane got 'highjacked' by the Hadj people in tanzania. YES - they 'stole' our plane. Which meant we were stuck for two days in a dirty hotel in Dar Es Salam (my sister caught Malaria there BTW) where all we did was: eat greasy chicken and chips, jump on the beds, stand for five minutes outside the hotel, read and moan. Then, we got our flight to the Comoros. We were stuck there for ONE WEEK. AND AT LAST we got our flight to Mayotte Island, only to learn there was a general strike (Mayotte being French and all that) and the roads leading to the south of the island (where we lived) was blocked. I missed 10 days of school...... which was nice.)

16 - Worst. Airport. Ever.

I won't connect at CDG, and only tolerate flying in or out because, well, they've pretty much stopped all service to Orly now. But after taking the THALYS train last week, I might consider flying into Brussels and training to Paris in the future. It's just that bad.

CDG posts totally unachievable "granted connection" times between flights, and any time I've landed or connected there, my luggage has been delayed. The nightmare of figuring out how to get from terminals to train stations is unparalleled, and even the airline lounges suck. When I was there last week, I was in an unfamiliiar area, and it took me ten minutes to figure out that my check-in desk (and about 20 others) were through a small entryway in the middle of the terminal. Three different locations for check-in desks, nice. Not to mention that on a Star Alliance flight (where I am "Gold" status), the handling agent didn't put a priority tag on my bag, and put me in the last row of the airplane. Gee thanks!

The whole remote parking thing isn't horrible -- Many European airports do it (including Frankfurt, Milan, Munich), but nowhere else are they as far away and take as long (even if the stair dudes are there on time). Then you have to go back through the regular, off-the-street security lines half the time -- and run like hell to the gate (or miss the flight, like Dec).

The mess of terminals of different design, different layout, and the fact that there are six different buildings in "terminal 2" makes no sense. There are no signs to tell you what airline is in which terminal, or which door to enter the terminal at for your airline.

I have been in hundreds of airports around the world, including some of the worst. CDG is the worst.

17 - Two airport and airline experiences stand out as truly horrible:

First up, Philadelphia in October 2005. I was connecting in Philly to go to Rome, Italy. The flight left 90 minutes late to Philly because of bad weather in Philly. We landed with 22 minutes to make our next plane. We had to take a bus to the terminal, which meant waiting for the bus, then waiting for everyone to load, then waiting for it to get to the terminal... by the time we got to the terminal we had about 10 minutes to catch our plane. A friend we were traveling with doesn't move well so I left her and my partner and took off running. This is when I learned that we were at the furtherest point from the gate where we needed to be and I would have to run the entire length of the terminal. And the terminal is nearly a mile long. I can run a 7 minute mile when I have to so I kicked in the afterburner. On my way I passed a gate agent in a cart and stopped long enough to ask if she could take me to my flight, but she said she was looking for someone specific and I was on my own. I asked her to call ahead and hold the flight and she sped away. I ran for what seemed like forever and ended up on a moving sidewalk behind a TSA agent who I swear was as big around as he was tall. He literally filled the entire walkway and even when he turned sideways he was no narrower. As I was hopping the railing to keep running the same woman in the cart comes by with my partner and our friend. I don't know what was special about them, but I was grateful for the reprieve. Everything was fine after that -- except for my partner's luggage that sat in the Rome airport for 3 days despite numerous assurance it would be delivered "promptly", but that's another story.

Event 2 - Caribbean Sun Airlines flying from Puerto Rico to Tortola this past August. Getting to Puerto Rico on Delta was no problem, but we had to get an island hopper to get to Tortola. When we arrived at the gate in Puerto Rico we were told we would be boarding in about 30 minutes. Then every 30 minutes for the next 5 hours we were told it would be 30 minutes. Have you ever been stuck in a tropical airport without air conditioning in August, when the airport is filled with families with children? When we finally did board the plane was so small they collected everyone's carry on luggage at the door to the plane. After we arrived in Tortola we were told we had to go through immigration before we could get our carry ons. Of course the pen I intended to use to fill out my immigration paperwork was in my carry on. When I said I needed a pen the flight attendant acted like I asked her for a kidney. She asked me give her my passport before she would let me use a pen, but relented when I pointed out I needed to copy my passport number to the paperwork. We ran into her on the way back, too, and had a similarly horrible experience: it took her two hours to check in 8 people. I'll never fly Caribbean Sun again, and I will avoid Puerto Rico, too.

18 - I love CDG. But, I have only had paris as my final destination. I have never connected. Since it has always been my first international point of entry into europe its always been magical to me. Not withstanding, there are things about CDG that you have to just learn to deal with. This is a French airport. That means there are going to be different strikes going on for different groups of different employees at any point in time while you travel thru the airport. One time it was the baggage handlers, one time pilots, etc.

19 - Eh, those figures are Jan - April. I promise you by the end of the year, we'll be the busiest again ( { Link } ).

And yeah, it can be long going from T to E. You must have been going domestic to international. E is the international concourse.

My only bitch with ATL is the friggin customs/passport. There are a bazillion passport lines, and 3 customs lines. Idiot design.

Rock

20 - by the way, as we discussed on chat, it is -possible- that part of the reason for the stairs thing is an EU security regulation. I ran into this earlier this year at Dusseldorf. In the EU, all transfer passengers are now required to be security screened before any onward flight (this was already typical in airports like London and/or in Asia). Some of the European airports have no way for passengers disembarking via jetbridge to be channeled into a security screening queue -- they'd just walk straight into the terminal, as we do in domestic airports in the US.

21 - Well, went through CDG in 03 to get to LS via Miami. My plane was late due to strike at CDG, but the connecting flight was - no idea why - on time, so I missed it by some minutes. They managed to get 5 of us on the plane nevertheless by driving us out to the plane, that was already taxied away from the gate. On the way back no problems at all.

Hope, your horror stories are not for me, as I am going to LS07 through CDG again .....